The Calm Before The Storm-2003

This picture was taken in January of 2003.  We had no idea how much our lives were getting ready to change, or how strong I could be when I didn't have a choice. 

The next month, our youngest celebrated his 1st birthday…followed by our eldest celebrating his 4th two weeks later.  Our middle child, our daughter, quickly took on the role of mini mom after her little brother was born.  Which ended up being a huge blessing to me in the days and years to come.  If someone told me then, that she would become a nurse when she grew up, I wouldn’t have been surprised at all!  She is one of my heroes.

In March, I began Spring cleaning…including moving furniture to clean behind.  I was in an unusual position to get to some difficult areas when I felt a shock go through my arm.  I soon realized that I had some numbness in that arm but didn’t put much thought into it.  I just figured I had a pinched nerve.

I believe it was the following day that I woke up with some numbness in my leg on the same side of my body.  Not enough to concern me, I just lumped it in with wounds from cleaning.  I didn’t even tell my husband about either, it wasn’t a big deal.  In fact, it had become normal for things like that to happen. 

The third morning after I woke up, I went to brush my teeth as I usually do.  That’s when I realized I had numbness on one half of my face, also on the same side.  My first thought was a brain tumor.  That was the only thing that made sense to me at the moment.  After explaining everything to my husband, he called out of work, my mother came to stay with the kids, and we headed to our family doctor.  We were there before they opened.  I was terrified! 

After they opened, the receptionist looked at the schedule and let me know he didn’t have anything available.  And then, she asked me what I needed to see him for.  It felt like time froze for a second, then suddenly, my doctor was in the waiting room escorting me back to a room.  That didn’t help much with my fear!

My doctor ended up admitting me to the hospital, explaining that was the fastest way to get an MRI.  Somewhere in there, I went from being terrified of a brain tumor, to being concerned about missing something I had committed to!  I was due to speak at a women’s conference the weekend that was coming up.  I was assured that I was only being admitted to get the MRI quickly, it was only a 23 hour admission.  I should be good by the weekend.   

The next few days were a blur, the 23 hour admission turned into a couple of days and kept getting extended. However…I was determined to have what I prepared for the women’s conference shared.  Some of the women brought a video camera in for me to record my message straight from the hospital bed!  They then took it on to the conference. 

I still have that video on VHS, if I watched it, I don’t remember.  Now, I want to watch it, but need to have it transferred before I can.  As I’m writing this, I’m having a lot of feelings that I’ve not felt in years come back. 

The loss of feeling continued to spread, I was sure I was dying.  I began giving my husband instructions on how to raise our babies, and started trying to process how we would tell them.   

The storm was here and I was in so much turmoil about their futures.